On Slimming Down

It’s been four months since the neurologist put me on Topamax, and I’ve lost 36 pounds. THIRTY SIX. :shakinghead: This is a bizarre phenomenon. Every time I think I’ve hit a stopping-point, and my body’s done dropping weight solely as a side-effect of a drug I’m taking, it starts back up again. I’ve lost two pounds in the last two days. It’s utterly unfathomable.

The strangest part about it is that I didn’t really care about my weight. Sure–I was overweight. Yes, it had been sneaking on, not so slowly, for the last five or six years. But the thing is, I didn’t care! It wasn’t really bothering me. My weight had been pretty stable for the last 8 months before I started the Topamax, and I was OK with how I looked and felt. It just wasn’t an issue.

I think, for me, being OK with my weight was revolutionary. I grew up thinking I was fat. I’d never had my mother’s tiny bone structure. I was built solidly, like my dad, with short, thick bones and a propensity to build dense muscle. But I was never fat. I just perceived myself that way. As a result, I spent most of high school and a good portion of junior high on a diet, unhappily comparing myself to slight, slim girls.

When I finally came to terms with the fact that I would never look like that, and stopped trying to diet myself into oblivion and just be healthy, my outlook changed. I became happy with myself for who I was, and not what I looked like. I looked great, but it simply wasn’t important anymore.

Of course, after I got married and began cooking and snacking and putting on weight, I wasn’t thrilled, but I remembered what I’d learned–that my worth was in no way related to my weight. It’s a lesson that’s stuck with me. So now, as my weight continues to plummet and everyone congratulates me (and rightly so! I’m healthier!), it’s strange for me to consider. I have no “weight-loss goals.” I had no desire to lose weight. It’s an odd thing to have something good come at you out of left field and blindside you, I suppose.

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6 thoughts on “On Slimming Down

  1. Congratulations on the loss, even thought it is unexpected! It is hard to come to terms with weight – I may not like how I “look” but I too know that it has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

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  2. 36 pounds in four months?! Have you talked to your doctor about the weight loss? That much loss that quickly probably isn’t healthy…I know the Topomax is really helping with your migraines, but I want you to be ALL healthy!

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  3. :teehee: Yes. My doctor knows. He’s been doing blood panels and thyroid counts and stuff. :hug: Thanks for worrying about me! The cool thing about it is that it just makes me less hungry, and makes me crave carbs less. So I don’t do the carb-loading like I used to, and I don’t overeat anymore. It’s like the “Full” sensor in my brain screams at me now, instead of whispering, which is nice. 🙂

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  4. This is interesting to me. Because several years ago I lost 15 pounds while dealing with sever bouts of irritable bowel syndrome. And I got the same thing “Wow, you look great!” but I was feeling terrible. Anyway, I’m babbling now. sorry!

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